The Idea of You Page 4

  “Welcome home.” My stomach felt sick. I wasn’t sure that I was ready to commit to it anymore.

  “I…I.. you did this all for me?”

  “No Bells, the girl that’s going to walk through the door right after you, of course this is for you.” He was such a smart ass sometimes.

  “I have no idea what to say.” I stared at the bed, and glanced to the nightstand, the picture was gone.

  “The good news is you don’t have to say anything.”

  Bo reached over to me and pulled me in close. I felt his hands on my lower back moving downward. Bo never touched me like this, it was always fast and right to the point. I could feel his emotions, something new for both of us. Taking his newly freed hand, he started to slowly unbutton my shirt. I have never wanted him more.

  My shirt was completely open and he worked his mouth from mine down to the top button of my jeans. Thank God I am wearing cute underwear. Even though I’ve had him hundreds of times before this, this was Bo on a whole new level.

  I felt his tongue tracing my inner thigh, so close I was begging for more, and he was taking his time giving it to me. I couldn’t help but raise my hips to meet his lips and I let out a whimper the second I felt him. The small moans he let out sent me over the edge, and I wasn’t ready to let go until he was inside of me.

  “I need it….now.” I pleaded with him.

  “Yes M’am.”

  His lips met my neck as I felt him slide inside of me. I had only seconds before I was going to explode all over him. I felt him pulsating inside of me, and came with him.

  The next hour and a half I was his only, and he was mine. After, I laid in his bed with his arms around me, another first for us.

  “Bells, stay the night?” Of course I didn’t bring any clothes, assuming I would be hailing a cab at 3 am.

  “If that’s what you really want.” It was what I really wanted.

  “What I really want, is you, all of you, over and over again.”

  In that moment, I wanted the same thing. Bo and I had each other, over and over again and for the first time in five years, I stayed until the morning.

  I woke up to an empty bed, and wasn’t surprised, I am sure Bo had gone off to work. I rolled over and grabbed the comforters over my head, when I felt him jump on me.

  “Ahhhh Bo, you scared the shit out of me!”

  “Did you really think I would leave you without a kiss on our first sleepover?”

  Is it even possible that I am falling for a man that I’ve already had hundreds of times before?

  He was wearing his dress pants and his button down shirt, which was carelessly, unbuttoned giving me a reminder of how perfect his body was. I placed my hand on his chest and then reached up behind his neck to pull him into me. Something was different about this Bo, he wanted me to stay here last night and I don’t think that it even had anything to do with Todd. Something changed; maybe it was the picture that was no longer next to his bed. I don’t know what did it, but I needed him to stay this way.

  “Do you have to go to work?” I pouted my lips.

  “Bells, you already know the answer or you wouldn’t have asked.”

  I watched him leave, and sank back into this new reality, that I have fallen in love with a man that I have already had for five years. My thoughts were briefly interrupted by my cell phone ringing, I already knew who it was before I answered.

  “Good morning Jane.” I said, knowing the words about to come out of her mouth

  “I know Jane, yes I slept over, yes it was premeditated, and you’re not going to believe this but I think I am in love with him.”

  “What the hell.” She sounded out of breath. “Taking the stairs again huh?” I laughed.

  “Shut up you bitch, but yes I took the steps. I cannot believe this. You really think you love him?”

  “Yes, I really do.”

  “Well fine, can we have lunch to discuss the details?”

  Oh shit. I had lunch plans with Todd, and Jane in this moment would not approve.

  “I have to go see Todd, it will be the last time I see him before he leaves, I promise.” I could feel the judgment in her voice as she softly told me she would settle for dinner.

  Even though Bo wasn’t here, I didn’t want to leave. I could still smell him, as if he was still here next to me. I closed my eyes tightly hoping he still was. I replayed last night over and over again in my head.

  Maybe we were meant for each other all along, I just had to wait for the right moment, and now I was in it. I heard the doorknob turn, and immediately felt sick. I was waiting for her to walk in, I am sure this was a dream, and I was waiting to wake up. As I braced myself for another woman, his face appeared from behind the door.

  “Fuck it, I called out sick. I need you, right now, and every hour after that.” I could feel the smile on my lips as he pounced on top of me. He kissed me the same way, passionate as if he loved me as much as I loved him, maybe even more.

  I spent the day lying in bed and just reminiscing on the past five years, things I never knew were possible with Bo Bronson. I glanced over my phone noticing the fourteen missed calls from Todd, and I really didn’t give a shit. I rolled over to face Bo, and kissed him over and over again.

  It was 5:30, and I had to go. I could blow Todd off all day, but there is no way I could do it to Jane. I glanced down and saw she had just texted me

  See you in a half an hour? Can’t wait to hear about your day. P.S. a package came for you.

  I hadn’t ordered anything, so that was weird. If Bo had I am sure he would have delivered it him to me himself.

  “Bo, I have to go. I made plans with Jane for dinner, clearly I don’t have to explain to you what will happen if I cancel on her.” He pulled me into him and pressed his lips to my forehead. It would take all of my strength to pull away.

  “I completely understand will you spend the night again?” I wanted to say yes, but I knew that I was diving in way too fast, but I also knew that I needed to pace myself.

  “Yes, but not tonight. I need to get things done at the apartment, and I have to edit some photos.”

  “I’ll take what I can get with you Bells.” He leaned down and kissed me again, I knew it was a more subtle invitation to stay, but I couldn’t. I had to go.

  Chapter Eight

  I walked up to my apartment door and could hear multiple voices in my apartment. I instinctively tried to listen closer so I knew what I was walking into. I was hoping that it was one of her friends, but I knew there wasn’t a chance in hell, since she never brought any friends home, to my home. I braced myself and opened the door. My body stood completely still. I couldn’t have been more surprised in my life.

  He ran up to me and picked me up like I was a small doll.

  “Iz, I missed you too much I couldn’t wait another week.” He said through a smile.

  Holy Shit. Jer is here; I have never been more surprised in my life. I kissed his cheek and started to cry. What is wrong with me? I think I was just so overcome with everything that has happened in the past three days I couldn’t help but feel my emotions spilling over.

  “Baby girl, what’s wrong? Not happy to see me?” He pulled me in front of him looking me up and down.

  “No Jer, I am more than happy to see you.” I pulled back into him and squeezed him harder.

  “Eh hem. Oh ‘Hi Jane, how was your day?’ I’m always the third wheel with you two.” She huffed with her arms across her chest, much like the spoiled brat that she is.

  Jer had only been up to see me one other time, but stayed for a week and he and Jane had maintained a love hate relationship. They bickered constantly, but were forced to be cordial because I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “Jane, how was your day?” Jer and I said in unison.

  “Well glad you guys asked, I ordered Chinese for all of us for dinner, I thought maybe afterward we could go dancing. I know I sure as hell need it right now. Work sucked.”

  “Yo
u mean you’ve actually kept a job long enough to have a bad day?” Jer was such a smart ass with her.

  “Fuck you Jeremiah.” Yikes.

  “Yes Jane, we can eat Chinese and then go dancing, in fact I would love to.”

  I started getting ready while Jer was laying on my bed staring past me. He was filling me in on his first year running the bar, my brother and his brother, who apparently got caught with pot by our parents. Funny how my parents never mentioned anything to me, they probably thought I would critique them on their parenting skills, and they were probably right.

  Then Jer told me about Melissa, how perfect she is and how she is just as crazy about him. I made a mental note of her full name, so I could Google her later. She was new to town, which made no sense to me, him either by his voice change. Everyone in town grew up there, had the same jobs as their parents and stayed, well most everyone.

  Our town was almost like the Truman Show; it seemed unrealistic, like the only things that existed in the entire world were all there. Most everyone never left, me being the exception to the rule, and I guess now Todd too. Shit.

  “Bitches…Chinese is here.” Jane yelled from the kitchen.

  What a horrible idea to binge eat Chinese food and then go dancing. I knew it was a horrible idea because Jane and I do it bi-monthly and regret it every time.

  We finally hailed a cab and headed out for the evening. I saw Jer cringe when he got into the cab, he was no closet germ-a-phob, poor guy could have been Mr. Clean himself.

  We went out to a new club that Jane suggested. She seemed to always know the best spots, and we always had a good time when she was planning the adventure. Jer, Jane and I chatted it up all night. Reminiscing on times that Jane was not a part of, but she didn’t mind because she joined in with Jer making fun of me. I laughed myself when Jer told the story of our last New Year's at home.

  “Oh. My. God. Jane you won't believe it, she literally had two sips of champagne New Years Eve because she had to work the next morning and was a paranoid mess. So I of course laid her clothes out for her, and slept on the couch, since I was drunk and couldn’t make the twenty steps to my home. Anyway she was supposed to be at work at 7am, at 7:30 I looked at the clock as I heard her mumble ‘shit. Damnit. Oh hell.’ I chuckled to myself realizing that she had never been late in her life, and was sure it wouldn’t be a big deal. Next thing I know I hear the front door slam, and I hear her car hit my car!!!” Jane looked at me in surprise that I hadn’t shared this story before, and started laughing so hard tears were falling down her face.

  “Oh no, it gets better, she called my phone moments later, to tell me she may or may not have hit my car. Then, after she gets to work she called me because she forgot to put a bra on!”

  After Jer told this part of the story I lost it and was about to pee my pants. All three of us were so happy in that moment, but I had a feeling that something was about to happen. Call it intuition but a moment later I felt a hand on my lower back and lips on my earlobe.

  “Cool it Bo.” I said without hesitation. “Oh if that’s what you want to call me from now on, I’ll go with it.” I felt goose bumps all over my body, and I could tell by Jer’s face that I should have told him Todd was not only in town, but also all of a sudden had an interest in me.

  “So, high school reunion huh?” Todd said nodding at Jer. He went to shake his hand, and Jer shook his head at me and left. Jane gave me a quick glance, trying to figure out if she should follow him or stay with me. I mouthed the words ‘stay please’ and she walked up next to me, putting her arms around me. I could already hear Jer’s words ‘what are you thinking? He is the biggest whore in our town. He doesn’t care about you at all, he just wants to conquer you.’

  Knowing that I was in deep shit with Jer already. I decided to stay out with Jane. Todd hung out with us for about an hour, everything after the brief nibble on the ear was G rated. He knew, he went over board, which was obvious from his behavior for the rest of the night. Jane and I danced the night away, and finally decided to wrap it up at 2am. I glanced down at my phone, and saw no calls or messages from Jer. My heart sank. He was always so dramatic.

  “Jane, I think I am going to stay with Bo tonight!”

  “What? Are you serious, is this a sober decision?” She looked more smashed than I was.

  “Yes, I am serious. I am going to surprise him.” I smiled at the image of him snuggled in bed. I love the way he would snuggle up in the oversized down comforter, with one leg hanging out.

  I pictured myself snuggled up right in the curves of his arms and legs. I could already smell him, and I surprised myself how much I wanted him in that moment. I closed my eyes and felt the bliss of my buzz fading quickly into the early stages of a hangover. I opened my eyes and saw his door, I knew the New York Taxi’s were fast, but either this was a record or I fell asleep on the way. Odds are in favor of falling asleep.

  I stumbled up the steps and knocked multiple times, I realized that I couldn’t remember if he had given me a key or not. Oh maybe this was a bad idea. Once I realized I had knocked about twenty times I turned and sat on the step. I found myself thinking about Bo and I, and where we could end up. Then I felt myself falling into the deep darkness of my usual drunken sleep.

  “Bells.” I felt a gentle large hand grasping my shoulder, I shoved it off trying to slip happily back into my dreams.

  “Bells, what the hell are you doing out here.” I looked up and saw Bo, obviously not dressed for bed and I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was 4:30am. Did he get dressed to answer my knocks? I know I’ve been down here for at least an hour. I glanced back up at him with sad eyes.

  “Where the hell were you?” I sounded even more irritated than I actually was, a fine combination of attitude and alcohol.

  “Bells, I uh…I was out with a friend from work.”

  “Really Bo? What’s her name?” He looked at me and I knew he was about to lie, he’s told millions of them before but this was the first time it hurt.

  “It was um, Bob you know, remember dark hair?” I gazed at him waiting for him to redeem himself, waiting for him to pick up my shattered heart on the streets of Manhattan. I felt my eyes start to water, and I stood up, grabbed my fantastic shoes and began to walk away. I felt his hand try to pull me back.

  “Don’t Bo. Just please don’t.” I said the words with no emotion, without looking back. I didn’t want to know if he was pissed, upset or unaffected because I wanted to believe that he was devastated. I wanted him to finally want me as much as I wanted him.

  I walked for what seemed like twenty blocks before I hailed a cab. As I got in, I heard “All by myself,” playing on the radio and I let out a sarcastic laugh. I felt like Cher in Clueless, one of my best friends was pissed at me, and now I’m not totally convinced that the guy who finally started to fall for me, actually fell at all. Maybe he sort of stumbled, and then realized and redeemed himself by jumping up and jogging it off.

  Finally, I was lying in my bed and the walk up to my apartment was a complete blur. I looked over and saw Jane snoring and drooling on my couch. My eyes wandered the entire apartment looking for Jer, and since this was a studio I realized he was gone.

  There will be lots to do in the morning, so I better get some rest tonight. I closed my eyes and drifted off into a temporary relief.

  Chapter Nine

  I could feel her weight on my bed, and I rolled right back over feeling my head throb. I couldn’t face her right now and tell her that she was absolutely right about Bo all along. She swore he was up to no good, and I should be able to tell that just by looking at him. The truth is, it never really mattered to me until now. I never really cared if he lied to be before, because I lied to him too.

  I was sure there have been other women for him in the past five years, but I had no interest in knowing. There were no other men for me, only occasional flirting, that is of course if we don’t count Todd. Fuck.

  I needed to face Jane and her wr
ath now, before I threw up all over myself. As I felt my heartbeat throughout my head I turned and slowly opened my eyes, hoping that the blinds were still closed.

  “Jer.” It wasn’t Jane. He didn’t leave. I wrapped my arms quickly around him, hoping he would never leave me.

  “Iz, I am so sorry I stormed off like that last night, but here is your chance before I do it again. Tell. Me. Everything.”

  So I did. Including the kiss from high school, which I knew he would be three times as angry with me for, but it was worth getting off my shoulders. I cried, and I laughed when telling him about how ironic it felt that Todd was finally pursuing me. Then I told him about everything with Bo, including last night.

  “Iz, I’m sorry babe.” That’s all he said. And in that moment that’s all I wanted to hear anyway. He wrapped his arms around me in the same way I pictured Bo and I. I felt like I was finally home, he smelled like home, like my childhood, a combination of all the worst memories laced with all the best. He was everything, in my past and I realized I could never lie to him again because if nothing else worked out in the world, I would be happy with just him for the rest of my life.

  I reached up and kissed him on the cheek, “I love you, Jer.”

  “I love you too, Iz.” He paused for a moment then asked me the question, which he already knew the answer to.

  “Come home with me today. I’ll cut my New York trip early and bring you home for some extra time away.”

  “Of course.” I felt my heart flutter at the thought. As much as I loved New York City, I missed the simplicity of home.

  I jumped out of bed and made my way into the bathroom to get showered and start packing my things. I felt all of the disappointment about Bo drain out of me. I didn’t have the energy to be sad about it anymore; I gave myself permission let it go. I came out of the bathroom and saw that Jer had made me my favorite hangover breakfast, cheesesteak!