The Idea of You Read online

He looked at me and then stared down at his palm, which was holding my phone. “Iz, don’t be mad, but I deleted all of his messages. I don’t think you need to hear the excuses right now.” I smiled and nodded my head, and then began to scarf down my cheesesteak.

  As I was eating my hangover away, I stared at Jer and realized he was more excited than me to go home. He was always a homebody, and probably would have visited me more otherwise.

  “Where’s mine you jerk!” Jane yelled.

  “Right here, bitch.” Jer slid her plate across the counter.

  “Oh, thanks stud muffin.” Jer cringed at her response. She knew exactly how to get him.

  Jer hasn’t aged at all, if anything, like a fine wine he has gotten better. He was tall, and muscular, but not overly done by any means. He had olive skin, and emerald eyes. I was surprised he hasn’t settled down yet. It was clearly by his choice, I knew the line around the pub was not for the liquor choices.

  I ran my hand through my hair picturing this new love interest of his, and feeling sorry for her that she will never be good enough for him at least, not from my perspective.

  “Iz, I can't wait for you to meet her.” He totally knew what I was thinking about. Damnit, did I really have to be so obvious. I realized I had been making the face of disapproval while nonchalantly eating my cheese steak.

  “Yeah, me neither Jer.” Well there goes that whole not lying to Jer thing already.

  “Is your stuff all ready?” He smirked knowing it wasn’t, but since I was on such a roll

  “Of course Jer. I’ll meet you down there in five.”

  Jane had gone to buy coffee, and knowing her she wouldn’t be back until mid afternoon. I sent her a quick text

  Change of plans, heading home today. Meet me there on Friday? ~B

  Her response was almost instantaneous.

  See you then bitch! Good riddance☺ ~ J

  This would be Jane’s first time coming to my hometown. She has met my family via Skype, and they love her as much as I do, although she is so disgustingly nice to them, I thought for sure they would see right through her. I think she will be in for quite the shock when she sees exactly how small the town I grew up in is. We’ve had the discussion hundreds of times, but she never seems to grasp exactly how small.

  The conversation always ends with her comparing my home to some sort of hillbilly movie, but she will be quite surprised when she realizes she’s right on.

  I ran down the steps carrying my two bags, I would have packed more but I was confident that my mother left my room just the way it was, including my closet.

  I allowed Jer to drive my car all the way home, so I could sit back and relax. I loved driving in the city, probably because of my control issues, but hated driving on the long boring roads that would take me home.

  I felt my phone vibrate and I glanced down with knots in my stomach when I saw his name. I pressed ignore and closed my eyes for the remainder of the trip.

  Chapter Ten

  I woke up about an hour before we reached home. Jer’s eyes were focused on the road, but I could tell his mind was somewhere else. I realized he had his Bluetooth in and was intently listening to someone on the other line.

  I was totally trying to pretend to still be asleep but he turned and put his hand on my knee and mouthed ‘ how was your nap?’

  I nodded my head and started to look at all the surroundings that I practically had memorized as a kid. I could close my eyes and come here any time I wanted, from memory.

  I smelled the faint, but distinct smell of seawater, and I felt the warmth of the southern sun. I started thinking about my little brother. I wondered what his plans were after college, I imagined that he would be staying here, even if he had planned otherwise.

  I wished that we had more of a relationship then we did, but unfortunately no matter how bad I fought for it, no matter how much I put into it; we were just always on different paths. Red and I didn’t even look alike, he used to joke as kids and tell me that I was adopted. Obviously, if anyone was adopted it would be him, the only redhead in our family. As much as he annoyed me, being so close to home I began to get excited to see him.

  “Yes sweetheart, she just woke up actually so I will have to call you later if that’s ok?” Ugh. I am going to throw up, and I doubt that there is any alcohol in my system to blame it on.

  “Ok Meliss. We will see you tomorrow.” He placed the Bluetooth down and immediately stepped on the gas, almost as if he was racing to get back to her.

  “Really? I mean you barely know this girl.” I gave him my best teenage girl bitch fit.

  “Really Iz, I mean obviously I’m not going to propose or anything, but I really feel something with her. I get butterflies. I take that back it sounds lame. But I do feel something special with her.” I could see the sincerity in his eyes.

  “Ok Jer, I won't judge until I’ve met her, but so help me…” I crossed my arms and spat the words as if they were poison.

  “I know Iz. That’s why I keep you around, I’m sure you already Googled her.”

  Damnit, I’ve been so caught up with my own soap story that I forgot to look this bitch up. I pulled out my phone to make a light joke and asked him what her last name was.

  “Mills. But you won't find anything, I’ve already looked.”

  “Well when was the last time you were a jealous best friend, don’t underestimate my powers.” I smiled wickedly and started laughing. He knew I was right, if there were anything at all I would be the one to find it.

  “So would you like to take a bet on how many?” I said.

  “How many what?” He stared at me blankly.

  “How many skeletons she has in the closet.” I could tell by the look on his face he was now pissed so I changed the subject immediately.

  “How are your parents?” I felt like a dog sniffing in the air, as we got closer to the ocean. “They are great. No one knows that you are coming home with me early so it will be a nice surprise. They miss you so much Iz, how long has it been anyway?”

  I felt a little guilty when he asked me this question. I had enough money to probably take off a week every month, but I never found a reason to come home in the past five years. My parents know of Bo, but have never met him. They know of my job, yet I don’t think they would notice my work if it was on a billboard in their town. They liked to stay where they were and live as if nothing changed. Sometimes I swear that they pretend I just moved down the street.

  It would have probably been easier for me to visit than it was for them to learn Skype. I remember calling Jer and asking him, wait begging him to go over and teach them how to Skype. Three hours after he called me and cussed at me jokingly for an hour.

  “It's been five years.” I said it quietly and he could tell I felt ashamed.

  “Iz, we all know you are a hard worker. We are all so proud of you, your parents especially I know they don’t tell you much but they are.”

  We pulled up to a cute cottage that I don’t remember as a kid, and I realized that this was Jer’s place. I smiled and my body filled up with excitement, I jumped out of the car and ran up to the door.

  “Where’s my key?” I held out my hand to him.

  “Right here, honey.” He placed the pink key in my hand and I turned the knob slowly.

  I think I held my breath until he put his arms around me from behind. I looked around and was completely overwhelmed with how much a place I’ve never been to in my life, could feel like a home that I made for myself. I broke away from Jer’s arms and walked through the living room. It was cozy and smelled as if someone had been baking pies my eye caught the plug ins around the house, and I felt the pride of a parent. I stood in front of the mantle above the fireplace and it was filled with pictures of Jer and I, and his parents and brother. I felt so happy to be on the shelf next to them, any visitor would assume that I was his sister.

  “Do you like it?” He asked already knowing my answer.

  “How did I not help
you decorate? I obviously did a great job of training you on interior design before I left for the city.”

  “Let me show you my room.”

  He opened an oversized wooden door, and I took note of the old doorknob.

  “Is that your old doorknob?”

  “Yeah. Can’t believe you noticed.” He was opening the door slowly for a dramatic effect.

  “Give me a break.” I hurried past him and looked into the room. I was in awe.

  I looked at the room that was filled with all of my old photography. Before my celebrity clientele I had taken thousands of other photos and Jer had access to them all.

  Above his bed was the photograph I had taken the last time I came home five years ago when Jer and I were at the beach. It was under the pier, and after I took the picture I couldn’t leave. It was so calming and Jer stayed there with me until the sun went down.

  I don’t think either one of us had said a word to one another. At that time I was barely surviving in New York, and he was actually bummed that his father had asked him to start taking over the bar. I think that Jer, although he never said it, wanted to get away like me, maybe even with me. His Dad had been running the bar since he was twenty-two and decided that he should retire and Jer should continue the family tradition.

  “I lay on my bed every night and I can almost close my eyes and feel the breeze on my face, the sand on my feet and smell the ocean.” He said it in a smart ass way.

  “No shit Jer this damn house is on the beach.” I’d give it right back to him.

  I looked at all the other photos, all of which I had taken and it made me miss taking those types of photos. I felt like all of my time went to the highest paying client and I left the love of photography behind with all of the double shifts to survive.

  I toured the rest of the house by myself while Jer made us dinner. I decided on surprising my parents in the morning, and I could really use another night to prepare myself for all of the questions that I had dodged for the past five years.

  I smelled the stew and snuggled up on the couch and finally glanced down deciding to read some of my text messages. I cautiously opened the phone.

  Bells, need to talk. Please just call me back already. ~Bo

  And another one…

  Why aren’t you answering your door? Are you ok? Did you make it home alive?~Bo

  I started feeling bad that I didn’t at least let him know I was alive. So I sent him a quick one back and then turned my phone off.

  I’m alive and well. I won't be in the City for a week, call you when I get back. ~ B

  I wasn’t completely convinced that I would be ready to hear his excuses at any time, but I couldn’t run away from the situation. I knew he wouldn’t let me even if I tried.

  I felt the ocean breeze drifting through the living room window and heard the low sound of Jer’s voice singing along to a country song in the kitchen. I snuck around the corner to watch him.

  He was cutting up veggies and I smiled at how meticulous he still was about everything. I wondered if he was also this way about running the bar. His voice was amazing, although he’d never believed me when I told him that. Jer never sang for anyone beside myself, and I’m quite sure a few girls he dated before. His elementary school teacher told him that he would never be able to carry a tune, and that bitch’s opinion still rests on his mind.

  “Hey lady. Hope you’re hungry I am making tons of food.”

  As I was about to open my mouth to respond that I was starving I saw that he was on the phone, and hadn’t even noticed I was spying on him. Jer never let a girl come in between us, not that she was just yet, but surely she was well on her way. This is not my old Jer, and I have no choice but to change him back.

  Chapter Eleven

  I walked back into his room and began pacing. I heard the text tone on my cell and glanced down at the text from Jane.

  How many pairs of shoes should I bring? I’ve narrowed it down to ten.

  I quickly replied, glad to have my mind drift off to other places for a moment.

  Ten is way overboard, don’t you remember we don’t even wear shoes down here.

  I could picture her laughing and it made me smile. I am sure in the end she would bring at least ten pair plus another on her feet upon arrival. She had no idea what she was in for and apparently neither do I.

  After barricading myself in his room for about a half hour, I decided I couldn’t make a game plan; I had to just ride the wave as Jane used to tell me. I threw on an outrageously adorable shirtdress, no shoes and my long blond hair with loose curls. I threw on a quick nude shade lipstick added some blush and began to make my way into the kitchen.

  I sat down on the bench at the island and stared at Jer. His blue eyes stared at me, and I could feel them seep into my soul.

  “I’m assuming you heard my conversation with Melissa?” He smiled.

  “What makes you think that?” I laughed quietly. He was so on to me.

  “The fresh makeup and the short dress.” He gave a judging glance.

  “Jer, I just want her to be a little bit intimidated by me, that way she will be afraid to hurt you.” I couldn’t even believe my own lie.

  “Iz, whatever you say. Just play nice. And by the way since when has it been you looking out for me? I thought I was the one in charge of worrying.” He let out a sigh.

  “Maybe I grew up and realized I haven’t been worrying enough about you all along.” I quickly looked to the door and saw her walk in.

  I am sure she immediately noticed me eye her up from head to toe. Not that there was very much of her anyway. She was about 5’2 and only weighed an estimated 95lbs. She seemed innocent and pure. Maybe this could be the girl for him, and I was so judgmental. I now know what it's like to be on this side, and I remembered all the times I stood exactly where she stood, knowing I was being judged and reviewed.

  “Melissa, I’m Iz, I mean Bella. How are you?” I put my hand out, and she pulled me into a hug. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I wouldn’t break her, but I hugged her back anyway. I looked over at Jer who nodded approvingly, maybe even quietly thanking me. I’m not much of a hugger and he knows it.

  Melissa and I chatted over dinner and I almost forgot that Jer was in the same room. She seemed so intrigued by my work, and asked if I was able to get her copies of the ones in Jer’s room. She explained that she was in nursing school, and really enjoyed small town life. She told me how Jer talks to her the entire way to classes, which I gathered was about an hour each way.

  I felt as if I was swallowed whole, and she had my complete attention. I looked down at feet ashamed that I had judged Jer about falling for her so fast. She was everything that he explained to me and I felt guilty as his best friend that I ever doubted him. My thought process was interrupted thankfully by Melissa’s loud laughter. She ran her slender fingers through her honey blond hair and I saw Jer look at her, and I knew that he truly felt that she was amazing.

  After dinner we played Trouble, my favorite game as a child. Jer’s intention has always been to preserve my childhood, my Peter Pan. We used to stay up all night playing board games; he would sneak into my room starting at the age of 10. I always thought we were getting one over on my parents, turns out they knew all along.

  Jer was sneaking in on the eve of my sixteenth birthday, and decided to spend the night. My Peter Pan made me a tent, brought the flashlights and Trouble. Of course my parents rushed into my room when then heard the loud popping sound of the plastic dome that held in the dice.

  My mom just laughed, and I asked her if she was mad, she replied and told me in six years she never had a problem with him sneaking in my window, and tonight wouldn’t be any different. I’m pretty sure we were disappointed in ourselves for not being as sly as we had always thought.

  Melissa was laughing quietly because she was the only one who had no pegs out of home. Jer purposely sent me back on numerous times, to make her feel better. He placed his hand on my lower back,
thanking me for being a good sport. I leaned into him for a half way hug when I noticed Melissa’s eyes quickly shoot at me clearly telling me to back off. I felt a stabbing pain in my heart, and pulled away from him.

  She seemed like a wonderful woman, and Jer obviously seemed to care for her and for the first time in our friendship, I became the third wheel. It was a hard adjustment, but one I would gladly make to see him happy.

  “Jer I’m super tired, I think I’m going to head to bed. Melissa, it was great to meet you.” I shook her hand and Jer pulled me in for a kiss on the cheek, though I wasn’t looking at her I could tell she was burning a hole through my head. I quietly slipped into my oversized t-shirt, well Jer’s t-shirt and headed into his bed. I wondered briefly if he would have an issue with this since he is with Melissa now, then I decided I didn’t care either way. I was exhausted and obviously the couch was going to be occupied for a little while. She didn’t seem like the type to go down without a fight; she would be here until at least 2am.

  I thought it was comical that I was carrying on so well with her, that I never thought that my relationship with Jer would be a little too comfortable for her. Hadn’t he emphasized how close we were? Ugh. I have other things to worry about, like Bo. With my stomach now in knots for multiple reasons, I surrendered to sleep yet again.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Iz, I’m so sorry she acted like that. I explained how close we were and she had nothing to worry about.” He wrapped his arms around me, while we both lay in his bed.

  “Somehow, I don’t think you told her we sleep in the same bed.” I exhaled, still half asleep.

  “Iz, it doesn’t matter what she knows. She will never change what we are and what we have, if she does she’s gone I swear.” He spoke the words with conviction.

  I turned to face him, and stared into his gorgeous blue eyes. My eyes glanced down at the tattoo he had on his forearm, Amor Vincit Omnia. I remembered being with him when he got that tattoo, and how he said it was for us. It was right before my move to the city and I needed to know that our friendship would make it, that it would remain unscathed. Jer needed it too, which is why I have the same tattoo in much smaller script on my ribs, right next to my heart.