The Idea of You Read online

  “Well this is my place, do you want to hang out down here or would you like to come up while I get ready?” I paused for a second, wondering if I shouldn’t have asked him to come up.

  “I’ll come up.” Of course you will.

  I heard Jane talking to someone before I could open the door, as I placed my key in the hole, I felt her tug on the other side. “Ghetto apartment” I heard her muffle.

  She opened and stared past me, obviously looking at Todd; he is exactly her type. “Er…Jane this is Todd.” I said quickly hoping to avoid the next twenty-five questions.

  “ Hi Todd.” She leaned over and whispered into my ear “Nice, are you trying to make Bo jealous?”

  “Of course not. Todd is an old friend.” Then my body froze as I saw Bo step out behind Jane.

  “Todd. Bo, Bella’s boyfriend.” Oh now after five years he wants to claim me. I nervously started explaining the situation, trying to read the expression on Bo’s face.

  “It’s a long story, so here’s the short version, Todd is in town, he is Georges model of the moment, and I did his shoot. Small city, huh? Anyway we are going to grab a drink and I’ll be back in a little bit.”

  Bo looked at me realizing what I was trying to do, rush out, and avoid confrontation. I hate confrontation.

  “Sure doll, I brought by some boxes for your belongings. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Then he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and softly whispered “Don’t think I don’t fucking remember who this guy is.”

  Really? I rolled my eyes and jabbed him in the side slightly with my elbow. I will deal with him tomorrow. Asshole. Well I was going to change into jeans and a shirt but now Bo has pissed me off, so it’s my heels and short dress! I got ready quickly as possible, Jane was shooting the shit with Todd, probably asking him for his number by now. I glanced at myself in the mirror and was satisfied. I had long loose curls from my sock bun earlier, red lipstick, red heels, black dress and loads of mascara. I looked borderline slutty, Bo would be pissed and I fucking loved it.

  “You ready Todd?” I said in my sexy voice. I’m sure I sounded ridiculous.

  “Wow. Bella, what happened to you?” His eyes were glued to me.

  I was feeling that funniness in my stomach again and nervously smiled. I took a deep breath and walked out of my apartment with my arm interlocked in Todd's.

  Of course when I walked out of the building Bo was still there, across the street. Real fucking sneaky, dumbass. I saw him take one look at us and then look away in disgust. Part of me felt bad for him, because I did care about him, and we did just decide to move in together, but how dare he bring up parts of my past that I told him, as if they would affect our future.

  Although by doing that, he may have just changed our destiny.

  Chapter Five

  “So Bella, what is this about you being some hot shot photographer?”

  “er…I ugh well I’m not that big of a deal.” I hoped he would believe that, but we both knew better. My mom brags about me all the time, even though she has no idea what my life is like.

  “Yeah well George seemed to think otherwise, he was telling me all about you before you came. Ironic how I already knew more about you than he did.”

  “Really, because the last time we spoke you said you wish you knew me better.” Shit. I really just said that.

  “Oh, um, yeah, well, sorry. Anyway where are we going?” He stared at the ground.

  Just like that, subject changed and our night went on. We ended up having a few drinks, laughed about old high school classmates, but rarely talked about ourselves. I did manage to get out of him that he got into modeling because his father's auto shop just “wasn’t his thing.”

  I let Todd talk about home, and I could hear in his voice he was already homesick, I remembered those days all too well. If I didn’t have Jane, I would have probably moved home and given up on my career.

  I wondered if Todd found George or vice versa, really what were the odds? George is an aggressive agent and probably pursues more clients than I could ever photograph, but how did he find Todd?

  We pulled up to a small sushi restaurant that became one of my first favorites of the city. I am sure that Todd was expecting some outstanding lavish place, but nothing could beat the food this place had to offer.

  “This place is….interesting.” He looked around taking it all in.

  “Do you eat sushi?”

  “Yeah, I mean, kinda.”

  “Well, you’re whole life is about to be changed.”

  “I already had a feeling about that.” He winked, as if foreshadowing the night.

  We had a few drinks, and some amazing sushi. Todd was skeptical, but impressed. I was happy to show him a glimpse into what the city could offer.

  Todd paid the bill, his Mom would be proud.

  “Well listen it's been great but I have some errands to run pretty early tomorrow, so I’ll take you back to your hotel.” I really didn’t have to run errands, but the truth is the night had gone well, I figured I might as well end it well now before I find a way to screw it up.

  “Yeah, definitely. I appreciate the ride and tonight was great. I’ll just walk though, I think the hotel is only a few blocks from here.”

  We hugged briefly and it felt nice being close to someone from home. I swear I could smell the country on him.

  I began thinking about how excited I was to call Jer and tell him. He wouldn’t believe it, and he would be just as surprised as I was.

  I decided I needed to wait for the conversation I was going to have with Bo. I don’t have the energy right now, and I sure as hell don’t feel like coming off my Todd high yet.

  Just as I was about to pull out into traffic, Todd jumped back into my passenger seat, and scared the shit out of me. My Mom is always reminding me to lock my doors, she would kill me if she knew this just happened.

  Before I could even wrap my head around what was happening, Todd put his lips on mine. I pushed him away, faster than I thought I ever would. It wasn’t that the chemistry wasn’t there; I just had too much going on to even allow this to happen.

  “Bella, I know I didn’t have the right to do that. Christ, I just met your boyfriend three hours ago. I don’t know what your situation is, and I know you don’t know mine, but the truth is I always wanted to get to know you better. I just didn’t think that you would want to get to know me.” His frustration was all over his face.

  I’m calling BULLSHIT! Todd could have any girl, and he knew it.

  “Todd, you’ve been drinking. Here is my number call me anytime, but tonight this conversation is not happening.”

  I was amazing myself these days. Ten years ago I wanted to tell him I loved him the second his lips touched mine, and now I am telling him to call me some other time. I have some serious issues, and think that maybe I should see a therapist…. or I could just talk to Jane and Jer.

  Todd went without another word, I watched him sulk down the sidewalk, and felt just a tad guilty.

  On the drive home I played my go to playlist as loud as I could tolerate and pretended as if I was seventeen again.

  No Bo, Todd didn’t notice me, and Jer and I were taking on the world. Oh how I wish I could go back, for just a day.

  I needed to call Jer, I really needed to see him, but a call would suffice for now.

  Four rings and right to voicemail. Well that sucks. Jane I could talk to, but she wouldn’t understand the situation in the same light that Jer would. I knew if I told him about tonight, all of tonight that I would also have to tell him about the night after the party in high school. Jer and I didn’t have secrets, except that one. I didn’t want to tell him at the time because he would have confronted Todd, and embarrassed me, most likely in front of the entire school.

  Jer was a sweetheart, but had a reputation for being a badass. I guess he was only a sweetheart to me, and whatever girl he was dating at the moment. I felt my phone vibration, and looked down at the screen Jer Bear, giggli
ng because I still don’t think he has any idea he is in my phone under that name. I picked up without even thinking about what I was going to say, it’s a bad habit I couldn’t break if he called me I had to answer.

  “Iz, what’s up?” He sounded out of breath.

  “Oh, nothing just wanted to hear your voice.” He could tell I was lying.

  “Oh. That’s weird.” He said in his sarcastic voice.

  “Yeah, well now that I have I guess I can hang up.” I pulled the phone away, as if I could really hang up on him.

  “Don’t be such a loser Iz. Are you excited about next week?”

  “Yeah, can't wait. How are our little broski’s? Are they excited to be done with school?” I suddenly realized it has been two months since my brother and I have spoken, and though what we have is far from a healthy relationship, I missed him.

  “Yeah you could say that. I’m really excited to see you Iz, and I’ve met a girl I want you to meet, she is…” there was a long pause.

  “AMAZING.” What the fuck, I felt like the air in my lungs was kicked out of me.

  “Really? Wow Jer that’s great. You know that’s the word right?? Our code word, you just used it!” I was trying to contain the shock in my voice.

  Years ago Jer told me that amazing was the best compliment you could give anyone, and he only ever used it referring to me. I guess I knew at some point in time I would have to grow up and hear it about someone else too. I just thought when I heard it I would be happy for him, not jealous.

  “Yeah, I know Iz, and I didn’t want to tell you over the phone but I couldn’t wait. I think she may be the one.”

  “Pump the brakes Jer. How long have you been with her? I mean it couldn’t have been long enough to talk about marriage, I talked to you two days ago.”

  “I’ve known her for about a month. She comes into the pub, and well finally we went on a date two nights ago and I can't stop thinking about her.”

  Two fucking nights? That’s it! I’ll be looking this girl up on the Internet that’s for sure. I knew that Jer could win the girls hearts, being the heartthrob bar owner and everything.

  “That’s great Jer, so happy for you can't wait to meet her

  “Well anything new with you?” I froze.

  “Nope. Nothing new.” I just lied to my best friend, about multiple things. There were so many new things in my life; I just wasn’t sure where to begin. Besides, in my defense I was still processing the bomb he just planted in my lap.

  I knew if I told him he would be in the city before dawn ready to beat the shit out of Todd, and I wasn’t quite sure I wanted that to happen yet.

  “Alright Iz, gotta go. See you next week. You bringing Jane?”

  “Of course, See ya Jer.” I slammed the phone down, not waiting for his response.

  I finally got home and threw myself into my bed. My apartment was quiet; I was alone and able to gather all of my thoughts.

  I looked over at all of the boxes Bo had brought me, I immediately felt guilty about the kiss I had shared with Todd, even though I was the one to stop it. Then it hit me, my wave of tears. I laced my pillow with hundreds of tears, and fell fast asleep.

  The next morning I woke up to Jane, in my face. I rolled right back over, hoping that it would make her go away. Not likely…

  “So do you want to talk about what the hell happened last night?”

  “Nothing. I don’t know what you are talking about Jane.”

  “Hmmm. So the pillows with the wet mascara all over them, that was nothing?”

  I should have taken my makeup off, damnit since when is Jane a PI?

  “I’m really not ready to talk about it.” I almost shouted.

  “Well are you ready to talk about the 12 missed calls from Bo or Todd who is outside of our apartment right now?”

  “Fuck!”

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought, would you like me to deal with either of them for you?”

  “I wish you could.”

  I told Todd to call, and now he is pissing me off. I look like shit I am sure, I can tell by the way Jane is staring at me.

  “Tell him to wait down stairs I’ll be down in ten.”

  “Really ten that’s all you think you need? Clearly you haven’t looked in the mirror.”

  “Just tell him ten damn it!”

  I watched her roll her eyes, I’m sure that she is already running a thousand scenarios through her head right now. I climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom. She was right, I was a mess my face was covered in black mascara, and my red lipstick was also smeared, maybe from the kiss or maybe from the pillow.

  I touched my lips softly remembering the kiss and how good it felt, and I momentarily felt forlorn, wondering how I could possibly tell Bo. I was pissed at him, but that gave me no right to kiss another man. But it wasn’t just any man, it was the boy I had loved most of my life. And he was better than I remembered him. I’m all kinds of fucked up right now. But as I start to reapply fresh makeup and let my hair down, I realize that I am about to be a woman that I wouldn’t be proud of.

  Chapter Six

  “Wow Bella, do you wake up looking like this?” Todd was leaning in the doorway of my building entrance, looking like something out of a movie.

  I felt my phone vibrating in my purse; I already know whom it was so I ignored it. I have no idea what to say to Bo right now, do I admit that I kissed him? Do I even want to be with Bo? Ugh. I am so glad that in a week I will be home and I can forget all of this for a week. Maybe Jer can help me figure things out.

  “No Todd, don’t get excited, I only look like this when I am trying to impress someone.” What the hell am I doing?

  “Central park? I’ve never been and thought since it was nice we could go.”

  “Sure Todd, anything for you.” I was clearly channeling seventeen year old Bella.

  We walked for almost an hour taking the long way to the park. I loved watching him swallow hard in amazement of the city. I remember feeling the same way when I first got here. You’re overwhelmed, in awe and scared to death all at the same time. Kind of how I felt every time Todd would brush his hand against mine.

  “Bella, look I don’t know what the deal is with that guy, but I know you better than that. He isn’t your type and I would really love to get to know you. I am only in town for three more days and then I am heading home to help my Dad until I get some callbacks. Can we try to see where this thing goes?”

  If this were ten years ago the question would be rhetorical. Yes, I have been waiting for you to ask me for years, or no because finally my boyfriend of five years wants to commit to our relationship?

  “Sure, but let's get one thing straight, this isn’t a thing yet, and I am not sleeping with you.” What am I thinking?

  “Ah Bella, glad to see you haven’t changed much.” I sighed, because this sentence was moot since he really had no clue who I was in any aspect.

  We finally reached Central Park and we sat in front of the famous fountain. I could stare at his beautiful face all day in amazement. He slowly put his hand on mine, and I allowed it surprising myself.

  “What makes you so interested in me now all of a sudden? My success? I mean I just don’t get it Todd you wanted nothing to do with me in high school.”

  “Well for one Bella, clearly you are no high schooler any more. You look divine, amazing even.” I cringed thinking about Jer and how he used that word last night. I was still jealous.

  “ I just always thought you were a good person in high school, it's no surprise I was a man whore, I’m not proud of that. I am so glad now that nothing ever happened to us then, because I finally get to be the man I want to be, with a girl I thought would never have me.”

  “Todd, I think you are twenty steps ahead of yourself. We are just friends. Old friends that are getting to know the new version of each other.”

  I couldn’t help but think to myself that he had an ulterior motive. I glanced down at my phone and saw twenty missed c
alls from Bo. I used this to escape the awkward situation I found myself in, with the man of my dreams.

  “Sorry Todd, I have to take this.”

  “Sure, yeah, I get it.” He put his hands up, as if to surrender.

  He looked disappointed, like he had so much he needed to say, but knew that I wasn’t ready to hear it yet.

  “Hello? Bells you there? Did you really pick up?”

  “Yes. What’s up Bo?”

  “Oh Bells, I am so sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. We were just moving on, then I saw him, I thought you were getting scared off. Can you please meet me at my place for dinner tonight?”

  “Of course Bo.”

  Bo actually sounded worried that I would leave him. That’s a first. I wonder why now, this all has to happen to me. Never in my life have two gorgeous men wanted me simultaneously, if even at all. I feel blessed and cursed all at the same time.

  I finished the afternoon with Todd in the park. He agreed to cool it off, but still wanted to spend time together while he was in town. I agreed to eighty percent. As much as I wanted to give myself all to Todd, part of me held back knowing that there is something else going on. This situation is probably nothing more than a recipe for disaster. I was the eye of the hurricane, but one of my favorite things is dancing in the rain.

  When we walked back to my place, I made plans to meet Todd for lunch tomorrow. He would meet me here again and we would venture out into the concrete jungle together. I started to get knots in my stomach knowing that I would have to not only confess to my lunch with Todd this afternoon, but also tell Bo that I made plans with him for tomorrow.

  Chapter Seven

  I knocked softly on the door, and waited for what seemed like forever. Finally Bo answered and looked even more perfect then I remembered. He smiled slightly, almost as an apology. I forgave him already, and hoped that he would be able to forgive me.

  “Bells, come in.” I looked around and my jaw dropped. There were candles everywhere, rose petals on the bed. Who is this man?